Mitt Zombie Offers To Take McCain’s Place at Debate

LOGANVILLE, GA (ZP) - While Presidential Candidate John McCain  is still undecided about attending Friday’s presidential debate in Oxford, Mississippi, 5th party candidate Mitt Zombie is offering to stand in for McCain so the debate can go on.

“Mitt Zombie has struggled through tougher times than this, and is willing to shamble to the podium tonight so the nation can make an informed decision in this year’s election,” said Brian Richardson, campaign manager for Mitt Zombie. “Mr. Zombie thinks Obama’s mindless one-word slogan for ‘change’ can be countered by his one-word slogan for ‘brains.’”

Mitt Zombie, running for president on his “brains you can believe in” platform, feels confident his experience in politics translates directly to the office of the president. While Obama and McCain cite a mere lifetime of experience in politics, Mitt Zombie has more than one lifetime of experience in politics. This unique advantage comes from his work with Strom Thurmond, Ronald Reagan and John F. Kennedy … three powerful politicans who have recently endorsed his campaign. Mitt Zombie also boasts unusually strong support from voters in Illinois, a key state for Barack Obama.

Mitt Zombie also announced that he would reveal his running mate next week, a move that is expected to bring new life to his campaign.

When asked for comment, an angry Ron Paul mumbled something about the gold standard and hung up the phone.